Episode 255 – Absolution, Dylan Wilbanks Catch Up


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Hi folks! This week we discuss the difficulty in taking time off for Ursula, as well as the usual productivity updates from both of us. And after an amazing catch-up interview with Dylan Wilbanks, we have a special guest just to grant Ursula a little permission to take time off.

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2 Replies to “Episode 255 – Absolution, Dylan Wilbanks Catch Up”

  1. MSWexelblat

    Hey Kevin, I’m finally catching up again (now that I’ve met my book reading quota for the year) and in your conversation around ADHD you wanted to know about the language and AFAB is the right language. Assigned Female At Birth is the right phrase. The other one I use is “socialized female”. It’s that gendered upbringing with specific expectations attached to it based upon the fact you were born with an “innie” not an “outie”.

    However, anxiety is a common factor in ADHD because of neurotransmitters. If you aren’t getting enough of the right ones to fill that space in your brain it can be painful or anxiety provoking. Then there is the institutional training from schools and peers, on what you are supposed to be able to do and, if you don’t meet those, this is a moral failing. Being judged that way, no matter your gender, can teach you to be anxious. You never know when you are going to be rejected. Add into that people with with ADHD can also have a stronger response to rejection and it’s a perfect petri dish to breed anxiety.

    Oh, is you want to talk about gender and socialization and expectations I highly recommend that you talk to Ellie Krug. https://elliekrug.com/about/ She will talk to anyone for an hour about this and I think she would be a lovely person for you to interview. She did a training for a volunteer group I work with and was delightful.

  2. MSWexelblat

    I’m listening to you talk about celebrating successes, Kevin, and that you have seen how people have been changing their answers. One of the things that has occurred to me, knowing you for the last N years, is that I’ve watched you become happier and more content with who you are. I’ve watched you set healthier boundaries and not compromise them better. Watched you fill your life with things that fill you with joy. As such I wonder if the change in celebrating successes is that it’s less necessary as you aren’t trying to fill an empty cup so you can keep pouring more out of it. Maybe as we take better care of ourselves our celebrations become daily instead of being a SLOG until we can rejoice.

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